I hope you choke.
I hope you choke. [entries|friends|calendar]

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[01 Nov 2006|03:30am]
you fucking coke fiend
i love you
2 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

[22 May 2004|05:41pm]
fuckCollapse )
4 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

alright! [06 May 2004|07:31pm]
hot boobs

You Have Hot Boobs!

You're boobs are so good, they look like they were bought

You rock the cleavage often - you're proud of what you've got

There's no hiding the sexiness of your chest

So cash in by entering a wet t-shirt contest!

What's Good About Your Boobs?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva


Your Journal Is Rated R

It takes nakid pics to be a journal superstar

No problem. Considering how sexy you are!

You only lock the naughtiest entries about your ex.

Otherwise, it's all about showing off that you have great sex.

What's Your Journal Rated?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

I love you quiz diva!
1 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

Just A Girl [07 Mar 2004|05:28pm]
Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I'm exposed
And it's no big surprise
Don't you think I know
Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me
To hold your hand
'Cause I'm just a girl, little ol' me
Don't let me out of your sight
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights

Often I feel as though my words are lost in the conversation between stares and licked lips. It's not flattering. Degrading as all hell. I have things to say! Why won't you talk to me? You never talk to me.

This isn't about you.
This isn't about only you.

I just wish males would listen instead of look.
20 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

Dont You Love Her Madly [26 Feb 2004|10:18pm]
[ mood | hard rocking shit ]

The snake is long, seven milesCollapse )
There's danger on the edge of town
Ride the King's highway, baby
Weird scenes inside the gold mine
Ride the highway west, baby
Ride the snake, ride the snake
To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long, seven miles
Ride the snake...he's old, and his skin is cold
The west is the best, The west is the best
Get here, and we'll do the rest
The blue bus is callin' us, The blue bus is callin' us
Driver, where you taken' us
The killer awoke before dawn, he put his boots on
He took a face from the ancient gallery
And he walked on down the hall
He went into the room where his sister lived, and...then he
Paid a visit to his brother, and then he
He walked on down the hall, and
And he came to a door...and he looked inside
Father, yes son, I want to kill you
Mother...I want to...fuck you
C'mon baby, take a chance with us
And meet me at the back of the blue bus
Doin' a blue rock, On a blue bus
6 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

[11 Feb 2004|09:49pm]
Saturday is Valentine's Day and its making me think about what things were like this time last year. I sometimes wonder if anyone will ever love me like that again. This love I have now is a thousand butterflies better, of course, but I don't think he needs me. Especially not to the point that past ones have. And I want to feel needed, but maybe its the fact that he doesn't that makes me want to be with him so much. I fucking TORTURE my brain over this. TORTURE. I needed to fucking take 3 advils and a robaxacet last night to fall asleep because thoughts that go through my head are absolutely impairing. God I just... why am I so fucking uncapable of living in the present and being happy in the present. Its all we've got right? Why can't I stop listening to this violin cause its the only thing that FEELS ME. INSIDE.

Being inside my mind alone is a fucking bad trip sometimes. Loneliness is not a fucking virtue so why is my body so attached?
I want to feel this violin
wave through my skin
trickle tremble
downwards spiral
weaving umbrellas of colour
under rainbows of green and blue.
Play once more
nocturnal abyss beguiled me of this moonlight
grass stains of blood beneath the soil
i have found my only friend.
4 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

[23 Jan 2004|05:16pm]
So here's the deal.
Only a very very select few will be able to read this journal from now on.
New journal is jensaddiction.

Don't be offended if your not on this one, im hardly going to write in it.
Pull me out of the aircrash

[22 Jan 2004|06:56pm]
[ mood | mwahwahwhaa its so on B ]

To the boys out there in livejournal land:

Why the fuck is it so hot when a girl doesn't wear a bra under her clothing?

10 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

[17 Jan 2004|02:12pm]
haha where to fucking start.
How about...around-a-bout...I DONT FUCKING CARE.
First of all many of you people haven't the slightest clue who I am. Not the slightest notion of what you seem to be up against here. Its proven in what you say about me because a lot of it isn't true and really is just based on assumptions, (I know you back me here Jac).
A lot of people are so over-involved in the past that its stopping them from existing in the present and future. If you always confine people to what happened in the past how do you ever expect to grow and get over what has happened? You dont own me! Please, tell me you don't have respect for me, laa dee dah, you win a cookie. I DONT GIVE A SHIT. I have tons of respect for myself, hell im probably my number one fan and I'm fine with that. Do you think after I talk to you I sit in my room and cry about it? And if you despise me that fucking much why are you spending time thinking about me and reading what I have to say on my livejournal?
All this shit, which I am solely blamed for it seems, all happened a year ago. I am in a completely different place in my life now. I have a boyfriend who I love and loves me and words cannot even begin to explain it which makes me NOT CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST BIT SO STOP FUCKING TALKING ABOUT IT TO ME.
God you people are so bitter! Lighten up, everything doesn't belong to you.
Theres so much more I could say about this but it just really isn't worth my time.
2 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

[10 Jan 2004|05:47pm]
3 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

[02 Jan 2004|05:19pm]
[ mood | How I Wish ]

Pics from Trippin'Collapse )
6 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

[01 Jan 2004|01:45pm]
[ mood | HAPPY ]

Happy birthday Jen, thanks.
I can't describe this mood but its shitty.
Whatever I def had a good new years but reading that kinda pisses me off and makes me feel not used but ugh just UGH jst can i please get out of here birthdays arent happy sorry to sound so cliché but im serious ughh.
ah so dissapointed in today =\

say something to make me happy PLZ.
4 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

OMG PUBLIX POZT [30 Dec 2003|11:51am]
This entry is addressed to everyone and anyone who is reading this post. I want you to post anything that you want. Anything at all. Post a short story, a poem, a thought, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love declaration, a song I should download, a film I should see, a recipe i should make, a photograph you'd like to share, a question you want me to answer, you can tell me what you think of me, or something random on your mind - anything.

Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice, or as many times that you'd like.
25 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

[16 Dec 2003|11:57pm]
heavens and hells and i hope we end up in two seperate hells because i cant stand this fucking place, and by place i mean a lot of diffrent individual places like this here cyber computer place called livejournal and you want to know why... see i wont even tell myself that just use the excuse that its filled with a few vain people who like to parade around showing dumb pictures of themselves and then waiting clicking eagerly the mailbox.. "is it there a comment a random i love you stalker letter maybe someone will finally reconize me as the genius i am because i sure dont. i am an insecure person who isnt even a person anymore because people live."

Well, you have yourself a problem, when spellcheck was a necitty <---purpose--- and when proper fucking grammer was "the right thing to do" and proved that you are srmat.
well, that is when it is no longer my own journal. it becomes the publics.

Skip skip skip. And so now that i know that a considerable amount less numpber of you "PEOPLE"(bodys wasting away on screens no longer filling their minds within) read or stalk my journal I can say whatever the fuck i please and i dont feel like making sense it fOR ME>
they are my words and no pressure. I can state what i please without judgment because i no longer care its for my understanding not theres.yours hers his. its fucking mindless you are and you know who you are.

dont touch me, iside my head you cant feel what i think anymore, i wont let the fucking vices that grab at you when youre crying in the shower, his shower and tea is the only thing that makes you feel better and he hasnt asked you in AGES.
yes you.
I have seen a lot of people and a lot of beautifdul ones, but yetI dont look at the one in the mirror like i should. i see here as you do, which is painful. i am painful to look at these precious hours.

I have seen a lot of hurt, and most of it happens to be mine, self inflicted pain i suppose, these musing have opened my head a bit. i like pleasure with a bit of pain to spice things up. Addicted to seeing people cry, hitting myself one too many times for any sense to come to me. senseless pointless hurt. I like sex because it feels good, and i like sex with him because it hurts so good, yet deep inside no one knows i just want a hug.

I talk too much my words precious things get up up anmd away lost in my own head and past his.
fucking stupid idiot I want to shout claw scaream and fuck everything up in unimaginable ways you cant see what destruction daily i have inside my skull. its horrible. i would never do it, just process it and it makes me sick. I am not that person. he is impulsive i am emotional.
It makes me sick to think he jsut doesnt care, it makes me sick to think of hunger and death and disease out there.
one hand one hand one hand that needs to be CUT THE FUCK OFF. you stupid country you stupid girl you stupid fucking boy with the beautiful girl in youre room who sees you as a man and you see her as something that you can hold onto when she sucks your hard long cock.
She is nothing more then a picture to you, a collectable with your toys and dvdsssss and your cDSSSS>. and youre show tickets and your fucking her and you dont care you say but what do you mean?

All I want to do is curl up against someones warm stomach and have them stroke my hair and look at me and say it will all be okay, your pain and your smile and everything is beautiful and it will all go away.

I cant type anymore there is a lump in my throat.
this is not about you. you're perfect.

I know i am making the right decision when i see you with a small smile.

i know its pushing against my skin silver and blood taste and white fleshy fat underneath the blade its feels so well. but oh well, i stop myself again and again from doing those things because i am emotional not impulsive.

And maybe a little bit crazy and a bit eccentric but its all okay isnt it? will it be there when i get back?
We shall see.
sleep is an escape when its no longer real. the distance hurts me, and the people who need food, I cry for them. I cant do anything about them.for them. See i am not crying now. or even over you.

I am starved and not a groupie. maybe a sick peice of meat.

this room is very heavy right now. So heavy lets go outside.
4 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

[16 Dec 2003|09:39pm]
[ mood | goodbye ]

I've decided to make my journal friends only for the time being. I got tired of creepy spies, spongey personalities, and lurking grudges.

Ask to be added if you aren't already.
Happy Sailing Fucks!

((sorry Scott, Phil, n' Nick))

22 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

[16 Dec 2003|08:39pm]
[ mood | my boy ]

Welcome negative_creeep to the Livejournal Elite.
It was bound to happen
1 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

[[Personal Obsession]] [16 Dec 2003|04:46pm]
[ mood | Money ]

There are so many words in my head. I try and try to write them all out, but they race faster then my own fingers and I am filled with sadness from the death of these beautiful thoughts.
Kill My Pain.
I feel like things may be okay. I could sleep through most of the night last night. Every night for the last few months something never fails to wake me between the hours of 1am-4am. And I have noticed that most people are having the same problem. So I blame Mars. the red planet. representer of the God of War. associated with desire, energy, aggression, action, stamina, perseverance, frustration, conflict and passion. Now so close to earth, it can be seen by the human eye. Like a satellite transmitting it's power and energy over our sleeping patterns and behaviors.
Fuck You Mars. Let people sleep.

What bothers me lately is the fact that I don't have a best friend. I have a love who almost fills that place, but I don't think that is safe. I've had a girl who filled that place for many years. We were blood sisters, best friends, protectors of each other.That is now dead. Girls can be flaky. Never truly there when you need them. They are loud and they complain too often. But I am still waiting for that one person who we can talk about things that matter, as well as the things that don't matter.
Dont get me wrong, there are some friends out there who I hold very close to me, but sometimes its shady and leaves me cold wondering.

{{ maybe you only have one true best friend your whole life.. Someone who fits you completely... maybe I have already found her... maybe I am just a bitch}}

And for now, I will put up my walls. Because females flake, hurt and lie. And if I think I am around someone who will do that I intimidate. Stand tall. I look at them and look away, like they are not worth my time or I hold their stare. There is an element of power there. When you show your strength. It gives me an element of control.
If someone through all my facades, if someone can manage to decide to speak to me, break through my barriers, give me a compliment or start a conversation... if they think I am worth that much risk- [because it's fucking hard to talk to a silent, tall, female who is glaring at you]- then I am usually utterly shocked and pleased. I become shy and speak with them hoping a friendship will spark. But that rarely happens. soonsoon.
3 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

[15 Dec 2003|04:49pm]
[ mood | hello operator ]

ive forgotten how to fall asleep & tonight i am alonehaunted, please hang up & try again. disconnected.
i was once told that i am astrid.as in White Oleander. i cried because that was beautiful.
[new wounds&hope]
sometimes being broken is unavoidable. i have so much to lose.
these are lonely hours.
i love you with beauty pleasure and pain.
9 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

[14 Dec 2003|10:06pm]
Brett just used the word 'guff' in a sentence.


Pull me out of the aircrash

misery deserves no company [14 Dec 2003|03:19pm]
Something heartbreaking always has to happen to end a great weekend. Something that causes bitter madness within the mind and self hatred.I want to give up& stay in my head &music& books where its sad &haunting &lonely but oh so warm and safe. I think this is what makes people into cold impenentrable shells.This is why I have bruises on myself &tears on my pillow. The love I desire is selfish& not yet invented.
Sometimes i feel envious of his many friends... Despite his many friends, he still feels lonely.
Maybe everyone feels lonely at 4am. Maybe not.

Reminder for me, not so important for you.

-make a friend.

All my friends forget me. It hurts too much to care at times. And as much as I love being antisocial, it would be nice to have tea w/a human.

Crouched on the cold bathroom floor again wishing this static would stop in my head.
Neglected is one of the worst feelings in the world. Does love really exist?or are humans naturally too selfish to experience it? Whats wrong with people? Why must they hurt others. The feeling of wanting to die makes us appreciate living? Fuck that.
8 i n p i e c e s| Pull me out of the aircrash

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